Used To

As I sit here, letting darkness fall on me, I'm fighting away memories. They've been coming at me full speed today, and I don't know what it is about the day that has me looking out of the window and wondering. I'm trying not to replay episodes of what used to be, trying instead to write this paper I'm working on, but for some reason my focus is off. I feel silly remembering. I feel foolish. I want to let go, yet I can't. The box I thought I had neatly packed away, came crashing out of storage today, spilling the contents of a courtship no more. And I don't know what to think about it, so I think about it. Maybe in a effort to put it back, maybe to look for a replacement, maybe to understand what I learned...or lost? I'm not sure. I'm not sad, or disappointed. I'm not upset, or longing for it either. I'm just...just...renewing my attempt to get used the absence I guess. It's dark in here now, except for the light of the laptop and I'm no closer to whatever it is than I was before, but maybe that's ok. As Massive Attack plays over the speakers, and I look to see the song is called... "Unfinished Sympathy" I have to check out the lyrics.

I know that i've been mad in love before
And how it could be with you
Really hurt me baby, really cut me baby
How can you have a day without a night
You're the book that I have opened
And now i've got to know much more
The curiousness of your potential kiss
Has got my mind and body aching
Really hurt me baby, really cut me baby
How can you have a day without a night
You're the book that I have opened
And now I've got to know much more
Like a soul without a mind
In a body without a heart
I'm missing every part

Hmm. I'm not sure what I think about all that, but something about the music got my attention.

I know from past experience that there are days like this. I also know that they end.

:Enev Be: